Monday, January 4, 2010

Observation report 16 (I guess)

I just re-read all my old post and I notice that I start to sign my really name at report 9, for odd reason, and that I post less and less ever since I when out to a date. I feel kinda bad. I mean I start this just to type out and see that stuff happen in my life, that its not always the same and I will get reward in the end.But now I'm less motivated. okay yeah today I just want to vent and talk ( aka:type) for hours.

Just to know where I'm at now. I am, bit by bit, moving on to kingdom heart fandom teen, to a college programmer, going to professional life women. It's scared me. I actually clean my room and took out all my plushies out of my bed. ( now on top of my library with all my figurine) I felt bad every night my boyfriend sleep over and see all does plushies. At least there anime one, but still his 21, I don't think its nice for him to see toys on his girlfriend bed.But I did told him when I be 20 all does kid and weird 14-15 stuff I do will go away.

Why I act like a 14-15 year old teen? Because when I was that old, I was acting like I was 18-20. serious business all the time, and I notice when I was 17...I miss it. I want to have my teen life back. So I am.

Thinking on it right now make me see that, I'm not a kid anymore. My cosine I use to play outside with is getting married in June. I'm in a actually serious relationship. I finish my first term of my future profession. I finish it in 80+, and I have only 1 year and few months before...Before I actually go in to the "real world" like they call it.

I wonder. What is the feeling of finish your studies, get your degree and start to work in what you always dream of? How those it feel to actually do what you been dreaming of for so long. And how about now. What you do when your dream is accomplish?You been dreaming of this for so long, thinking of what you would do on that time when your a kid, but as an Adult. Isn't different?

I'm going to be a game programmer, but that's because I always have a curious eye on how game's work.But my heart is always on writing. I love to write, come up with stories, create characters, build new worlds. I always find it interesting. I love to just lie down, close my eyes and let my imagination run wild. That's the other reason I choose programming. It's the closes thing to write stories.

Why did I choose something different from what I love? Simple.

I suck at writing. French or English.

My grammar is always wrong, I mix up rules, and I can't stand verbs. ( especially french oh god)

Programming is a mix of what I love to do and what I'm good at. Love to come up with stories, and good at math! 10-4 for me!

I don't know if people would read this, If some one does:
is your dream what you love? do you seek other dreams?


07/01/2011-> the only thing left from my fandom in my room is the pokemon stuff. Thats the only thing I love and that will stay. Boyfriend doesn't mind he like pokemon too XD Also my career of choice is now Novel writing. Programming game may just be a hobby or money on the side now.

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