Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Report 107 purple crocodile

Not a lot of thing happen this week, but I was able to finish a lot on my revision of my novel. I am impress and totally amaze with how much I manage to do in the last 4 month. I am finally done taring down my book, pointing out what is bad and what is good in it, and now Its soon to be time for me to fix my errors, making sure they are the right one this time.

I think was yesterday I was working on the last assignment ( well one before last) and it was about explaining how things work, like how does the kids, teen started to have powers or started to see ghosts, or how does one souls leave the body and became a ghost or a corrupted one.

I tell ya I had so much fun, I didn't need 4 years in college in science to be able to bullshit my way through this assignment, only grade 9 science did the trick. I was able to make it work with my limit knowledge and made sense notherless. I was able to explain how portals work, how Daniel still half ghost and lives, how teen start to have their powers work it was such a  blast, I was singing along with my music, dancing in place as I wrote.

I never been this happy, well no I did before, but with the stress of winter I lost it, and now its back! :D

I'm also scared, my boss is taking some interview to replace some staff that will be going soon and its scary because she told me, hey I be gone in 4 months. 4 Months! That's a very short time, I can't believe it. And really I think its the longest time I ever work for a company ( minus the government job, I was bored half summer with that one.)

And I know in the previous report I talk about me having some weird dreams, but I don't remember them in the morning witch is odd because I always remember them ( that's when I know that those dreams that I don't remember will come true because It always happen that way during high school times.) but this week I remember two of them! :D

One, I titles it the purple crocodile!  I remember seeing an Angel but it was an old friend I didn't see in ages, he was wearing a organization coat but it was a dark gray instead of black. Anyway someone give him a check of a RIDICULOUS amount of money but he refused, and throw it at me, witch I didn't keep it I give to my boss because, in that time I remember thinking she needed the money more then me, and hell it was a LOT of money.

BUT because it was HUGE amount of money, the gods didn't like it because it was throwing off the balance and they send a monster to repair that ( AKA destroy everything till its back a new)

We all went outside, where the sun finally peek out of the clouds and melt all the snow in one seconds, me and Elise started to point out the rainbows plaster everywhere until Elise cry out and point at the sky where a giant rainbow, very vivid was there but she keep screaming that the purple crocodile was coming and that we where all gonna die. And yeah the rainbow transform into a purple crocodile and I remember someone saying that to save everyone we needed to climb something that was higher then the crocodile and lfip the switch, to turn off the fire.

So I took the opportunity and climb rows of desk with keyboards and mouses on them, I remember being mad at the Angel cause he could just help me fly up but he disappear to be only there at the last desk, helping me up.

I did flip the switch off, but after that I woke up.

Another one was basically a version of beauty and the beast in a giant gray castle that feel like a maze at night with only the moon as light, it was creepy, very creepy.

In another note, I discover that we can get a book form of our blog and in august, to celebrate my 3 year anniversary with this blog I want to make a copy of it. Probably gonna cost me 60$ but it will have more then a 100 pages. ( just with my 106 reports it end up with 124 pages so I can imagine around 150-160 by the end of august. Maybe more really.)

I'm also soon being done reading the last book of the Hunger game trilogy. The last book isn't as interesting as the first one, and its dragging, but I'm starting to get a new pace in it so I will be able to finish it soon ish. I'm focusing more on writing my novel then reading right now so.

Anyway that is all for this week report, take care!


Thursday, February 23, 2012

Report 106

I didn't forget yesterday, I was just very tired and I couldn't concentrate long enough to say everything I  wanted to say in this week report.

So yes, I have a lot to say today! One of the biggest thing is, I won 100 buck a La Senza shop! Last week I won a book by a giveaway this week I won a gift card I was soo happy I gleed all the way to the restaurant to meet Scott XD I still have it, I want to wait until there is a huge special before I spend it, like that I can get more of its worth.

The other thing is, I accept one of my sister proposition ( don't remember if I said it on an older report) that I would at least try and work as a game programmer for a while just to really see if I don't like it, so when Scott came back from a lecture a few day back, he brought some paper to apply at a work place in Fredericton and it made me remembered, that the same people form that place where dying to hire me but because I was stuck here for another year they never mind it, so I'm working ( planning really) on a new portfolio to apply there basically asking if they are still interest to hire me.

I have to restart a new portfolio, starting from scratch with everything new, since all my old stuff, is ether gone with my USB dying on me last month, or unfinished saved in my hard drive, so I just shrug it off and took out my old notes, and book I used to self teach myself and plan other games.

While I was on planning my new portfolio, Scott tried for two weeks to download his programs on his computer, and dear god it took both of our computer, to be able to have a running software. Every time we would download the programmer ( not only would it take 5 hours) right at the last second it would get interrupted, or when it was done there was file missing or corrupted it was such a pain in the ass, and I wasn't too happy about the service they give me online.

I aslo was thinking, of doing some book reviews myself, since half the blog I'm falling is book reviews blog, because I;m interest to know whats new and good out there, but for that I need to know what is coming out, new and get a copy, where money is really tight and even if  go to the library by the time I get a copy, I would have move away three time. Its that slow. So its only an idea throw in the air for now, until I get my shit together.

The apartment is in a total mess, I've been working odd hours all week, tomorrow is my day off ( thank god) but there is like 25% chance of me being call to go to work, because the guy working tomorrow called sick a few days back so don't know if he be feeling better or not.

And I've been having does weirdest dream that make me more tired when I wake up then when I fall asleep. I can't make up most of it, only the feeling of action and adrenaline pumping in my vain, heart racing, I feel light on my feet and really fast,  and always in the air, or above everyone like I'm on top of houses or  buildings, but I can't make out the scene, just the feeling that if I don't get out of there soon, the bad guy will catch me so I'm using some kind of feline skills to save my skin.

ON those notes, I started my revision back, I felt a bit lost the past month, like I wasn't sure anymore what I wanted because of how the revision was showing me how everything was bad, but I guess those odd dreams made me realize, subconsciously that everyone is bad on their first time and going through the same process as me and the only way for me to make it better is to finish the revision, find everything that I miss and done incorrectly and understand the why I should do it differently. Why I should know more about certain characters or world more then others, why I give that name to that character and all that.

That and you know I bought a new charger for my laptop so I can write away from all source of my procrastination. It may help, just saying. :P

That's all I wanted to say, ho no wait I lied, I am also planning my calender of topic for the A-to Z blog challenge and most of my topic will be about writing, or my old stories, where those stories made me who I am really. I have a few letters in so when I get the time to actually place them on paper I will post a page about it, so now take care!


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Report 105

A few things happen to me this week.

One of the biggest ones is : HOLLY SHIT I WON A GIVEAWAY WHHHAAAT??!

but yeah, I participated a few week ago in some giveaway hop and in one blog I won! here is the blog, its called Literary Junkie and I will receive Everneath by Brody Aston One more book to place on my reading list. I still didn't finish Monkingjay and I bought One for the Money by Janet Evanovich. Ho and I still have the Olympians second series by Rick Riordan to read, I bought it beginning of December and still didn't touch it.

I was pretty busy with Scott being sick and my novel. I'm still taking a break from my writing. As much as I want to work on it, I'm still battling inside of me to continue the revising or start fresh again. But what I think I will do is continue the two next lesson I'm at to see what I will need to change or fix in my novel world and characters then I will get my notes together and build a much better story, the story I've been trying to tell since the beginning.

Yesterday was Valentine day, and I can tell you I did nothing special except grocery shopping? does that count? Well Scott did bought me flowers ( cause I ask with pretty eyes) and I got him a Pizza stone pan to cook in oven.

Its funny that all the gift I give him ( except the Tablet for his birthday) is cooking related. I got him some utensil that he liked the best, a bigger pot, roster, and now the stone pizza pan. Really. Is there something wrong with me? No, I don't think so, its something he likes and really I have no flipping idea what to give to the guy as gift in the first place.

Think about that, I have a the bad habit of: "if its my problem and about me, I will take care of it myself". Well for the past two weeks, I build up to much and I guess became distant to Scott, I didn't notice, be he felt like I wasn't there anymore so one night after we bicker and went to bed, I apologies, and he ask me what was wrong, and told me everything, my habit and that he was afraid to lose me just like I'm scared to lose him.

It was the first time where someone actually ask me about my problems, or my worries, usually when I cry and get scared, my mom just say to tough it or try to help by saying the wrong things. ( Not her fault, she just try to hard sometimes) I cry and told him all my worry, on how I have no idea what I want to do in my life, on how I'm scared about going back to University and how no one believes in me and think I can't write for shit because they judge by my french texts .(still holding that one, so not fair.)

On just how scared I am. And he listen and I really loved that, he was there for me, he was the one who told me how he knew I want to be a writer. Its just... nice. I feel much better after we talk and I well, vent. He vent also, it was just something we both needed. In all our three years together its the first time where we both talk so deeply about our concern.

I probably not going to do it again, until I crack.But the fact that he is behind me all the way is great to know. Finally someone who understand and will support me I guess.

ON other news, more up then the all talking about feeling crap. I'm considering dropping my StephTalk project. As much as I want, its not for me. I have nothing amazing to say except food, sleep, work and Scott. Its boring and really I was only doing that because I wanted to be like the other writers I saw who do videoblogs. But then I remembered. I'm not like them, I have nothing to say, why taking my time to do something that I don't even like, or force myself to do it in the first place.

So I'm thinking of dropping it temporary. I will probably keep it and post time to time just in case I have something AMAZING to say to the world. Or just bring it here or something.... naaah.

On better news, I got a new hair cut. It was hilarious, I just wanted to stop at the mall to find if the new Monster High dolls was out ( I'm looking for the kitty cat one, and maybe the "make your own monster" skeleton one.) when I walk in front of a Hairdresser salon. I got in, ask if there was a slot for me and wait for the hairdresser to come back. When she came and started to wash my hair she ask me what I wanted to do today.
" I'm not sure " I said
" Then how can I help you then? I can't do anything if you don't know." She said, I look around and point ot a book of hair style and ask if I could see that for a second. I open the book , flip a few page and found something I liked and point to that picture and ask to have that.

30 minute and 20 buck later, voila~ Back to short, no frilly perm hair. Scott is iffy about it, but then I bought a new lingerie so he is fine XD 

Well that's it for now, I have a few more thing to work on, I want to get ready I have a feeling that I be back to my revising tomorrow ( day off) even if my best friend is stopping by for a few second. I want to clean and make things back to my happy state.

So take care!


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Report 104

I nearly forgot about the weekly post!

I finish the first two books of the hunger game and I'm in the mid last one already. I was able to send all the paper work for my application for the University, but the joy and excitement to go study something awesome start to fade and now doubt came back in. It doesn't help when my parents say to me that I need to be careful with my spelling because they cant understand my text...

1. I text in french to them and I will be going to an English University.
and 2. Its text for crying out loud! Do they judge me by my ability to write by only reading my texts? What about my sisters! They writing with unimaginable acronyms, do they get the same speech as me? Or because they went to college / University and work in their field that they are fine? Just because I decided to not go work in my field of studies, doesn't mean I can't write for shit. I know what I'm doing, why wont they trust me? I multiple time prove to them, just because I don't show that I can do it, that I can't. I don't need supervision 24/7 my god.

I just find it unfair that they base all their judgement when I text not only in french, but also fast. I ask my mother for I don't know how many time, if she wants the news now or in two weeks, cause I can. I can write the news and for two weeks make sure its perfect with no errors OR type it now and she will no now, and just leave the damn mistake away.

When I type for someone important, of course I will double, even triple make sure everything is fine and there is no mistake but when its only for the family, and text or send a small message on the message, do I really need to make DOUBLE sure its well written? Yeah I make sure that its readable, but I don't want to make it super perfect, I'm not sending a message about my life to the president!

That's one point where I doubt myself, because they are the source of my doubt, they made me rethink of my choice and if I really want to take the chance of studying in another field that I may not even want to go work to later on. That's my problem, I think that Its what I want to work in later on , but after another two week, when I look back at it, I'm not sure anymore.

I really, don't know what I want to work in later on.

At all.

Its frustrating, because my mother expect me to be AMAZING right away, that I will be able to get EVERY SINGLE JOB available, when it doesn't work that way, and then when I try to explain to her, she try to feed me some ways I could get a job but only be working at home and all the jazz. She doesn't understand that it doesn't work that way, the only person that work at home that I know in the field I studied ( game programming) is...none.

There is only one artist/ animator I know who had the right to work at home and that's because he work on like half the Disney movies. He is so flipping good that they dont care where he is at least he can send his job.

I'm not that good.

And my sister, she say she would support me be before I go back to University to at least work for the summer at a Game industry job. I said it was okay but now that I think on how to modify my resume, I start to see that it will be harder then I thought.

I could say I know how to work with the programming language C++. But I can't work on 3D nor 2D so Its useless. I could say I know the flash programming ( Action Script 3.0) But I self though myself and I've been doing everything wrong, because there is no book on how to write professionally in an industry, for yourself on your website sure, but for a game that everyone will place on their phone or website, nope.

WHat I am good at is the paper work, and the interface animation, interface in general, key press or the mouse movement. QA maybe, our class was a bit... old fashion so I don't know how they do it now.

So yeah, I probably could work on the interface part of the game, and the QA or paper work, it be good. I can even just be an assistant and bring the coffee or somehting. At least if I can get a job in the industry, with a better pay and if I still want to go take the course I can.

/take a deep breathe.

That felt better. I still don't know where I would love to work in later on, but It will come to me in time. I just have a whole lot I'm interest in but not enough jobs for it.

Anyway on better note, I'm writing again,just a story I have in my mind that I want to place on paper like that its out of my head. I still should be working on the revision of my Ghost trackers novel, but I'm in a part of my mind where its rebelling on continuing the revision or stop there and rewrote the whole thing with the changes I found. Cause there is a lot I miss from the NANO version of my novel that I did compare to my first hand wrote novel. There is characters where they change personality, names or characters that shouldn't be there in the first place.

There is a lot to change and I want to do it now, but I think that when I'm done writing this short story that the part of me who want to rewrite the whole thing will be at ease. So I will see what happens then.

Well that was all, I just wanted to ...vent a litlle, because it was eating me up inside. Anyway take care!


Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Report 103

 I received a letter from the UPEI yesterday ( I think) and it was saying that they where considering my application but it was incomplete and needed both my college and high school transcript, and my resume or a list of activities for what the hell I did during my year off not studying.

I'm scared and excited for this year. I have so much plan. And its a big jump, me and my boyfriend moving to another place, far away from family and friends, starting a new step of life. Him starting his work in the field he studied, me going back to University to study something harder and more interesting then before. Its a huge step for both of us, but at least we be together through it. Scott is supporting me with my decision ( and all my family too, they are all excited for me.)

I'm just scared because  Its something different, in a new place, with barely no friends, far away from family. I'm scared that I wont be able to make the cut for the University, or that the stress will be to much for both of us. But I know its just me thinking the wurst, everything will be fine, even there it will be FUN!

In other news, I sign up for the A- Z blog challenge for April, where everyday minus Sundays I post a report with the theme starting with the letter of the alphabet. Its interesting and will be a great challenge to push my imagination a bit.

I also finally started to read the Hunger Games, I bought the trilogy on my kobo for like..10 buck and when I finish the Happiness project ( witch I learn a lot about being happy with small things around the house) I start it. I'm not that far, everyone say its very good and addictive, but I'm probably not far enough for the addictive part of the series hook me up yet. But it is a good story. I like how she doesn't describe overly things around the characters, because well, the character lived there her whole life, she know how things work, she doesn't have to explain to herself.

I find it funny though, since I started the How to Revise your Novel course, I see a bunch of things that make me think. Like I know a character will be important when she pass a whole chapter, explaining to a character how the MC know that person. I know that some object will be more important and useful in the series when she pass a lot of time to describe said object or make the character keep thinking of it. I learn a lot form that course and I'm very happy about it.

I just watch the episode glee with Michael Jackson tribute and holly crap I want to buy the damn CD. Just for sweet criminal and I'm bad. Good god, it was epic, I love it, I want to watch it again just for those parts. And there is a bunch of books I want too. Novels and the Art off Iron men and Captain America. More Iron men thought. Anyway, I have nothing more to say so take care,