Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Report 104

I nearly forgot about the weekly post!

I finish the first two books of the hunger game and I'm in the mid last one already. I was able to send all the paper work for my application for the University, but the joy and excitement to go study something awesome start to fade and now doubt came back in. It doesn't help when my parents say to me that I need to be careful with my spelling because they cant understand my text...

1. I text in french to them and I will be going to an English University.
and 2. Its text for crying out loud! Do they judge me by my ability to write by only reading my texts? What about my sisters! They writing with unimaginable acronyms, do they get the same speech as me? Or because they went to college / University and work in their field that they are fine? Just because I decided to not go work in my field of studies, doesn't mean I can't write for shit. I know what I'm doing, why wont they trust me? I multiple time prove to them, just because I don't show that I can do it, that I can't. I don't need supervision 24/7 my god.

I just find it unfair that they base all their judgement when I text not only in french, but also fast. I ask my mother for I don't know how many time, if she wants the news now or in two weeks, cause I can. I can write the news and for two weeks make sure its perfect with no errors OR type it now and she will no now, and just leave the damn mistake away.

When I type for someone important, of course I will double, even triple make sure everything is fine and there is no mistake but when its only for the family, and text or send a small message on the message, do I really need to make DOUBLE sure its well written? Yeah I make sure that its readable, but I don't want to make it super perfect, I'm not sending a message about my life to the president!

That's one point where I doubt myself, because they are the source of my doubt, they made me rethink of my choice and if I really want to take the chance of studying in another field that I may not even want to go work to later on. That's my problem, I think that Its what I want to work in later on , but after another two week, when I look back at it, I'm not sure anymore.

I really, don't know what I want to work in later on.

At all.

Its frustrating, because my mother expect me to be AMAZING right away, that I will be able to get EVERY SINGLE JOB available, when it doesn't work that way, and then when I try to explain to her, she try to feed me some ways I could get a job but only be working at home and all the jazz. She doesn't understand that it doesn't work that way, the only person that work at home that I know in the field I studied ( game programming) is...none.

There is only one artist/ animator I know who had the right to work at home and that's because he work on like half the Disney movies. He is so flipping good that they dont care where he is at least he can send his job.

I'm not that good.

And my sister, she say she would support me be before I go back to University to at least work for the summer at a Game industry job. I said it was okay but now that I think on how to modify my resume, I start to see that it will be harder then I thought.

I could say I know how to work with the programming language C++. But I can't work on 3D nor 2D so Its useless. I could say I know the flash programming ( Action Script 3.0) But I self though myself and I've been doing everything wrong, because there is no book on how to write professionally in an industry, for yourself on your website sure, but for a game that everyone will place on their phone or website, nope.

WHat I am good at is the paper work, and the interface animation, interface in general, key press or the mouse movement. QA maybe, our class was a bit... old fashion so I don't know how they do it now.

So yeah, I probably could work on the interface part of the game, and the QA or paper work, it be good. I can even just be an assistant and bring the coffee or somehting. At least if I can get a job in the industry, with a better pay and if I still want to go take the course I can.

/take a deep breathe.

That felt better. I still don't know where I would love to work in later on, but It will come to me in time. I just have a whole lot I'm interest in but not enough jobs for it.

Anyway on better note, I'm writing again,just a story I have in my mind that I want to place on paper like that its out of my head. I still should be working on the revision of my Ghost trackers novel, but I'm in a part of my mind where its rebelling on continuing the revision or stop there and rewrote the whole thing with the changes I found. Cause there is a lot I miss from the NANO version of my novel that I did compare to my first hand wrote novel. There is characters where they change personality, names or characters that shouldn't be there in the first place.

There is a lot to change and I want to do it now, but I think that when I'm done writing this short story that the part of me who want to rewrite the whole thing will be at ease. So I will see what happens then.

Well that was all, I just wanted to ...vent a litlle, because it was eating me up inside. Anyway take care!


1 comment:

  1. Nice to meet you. Good luck with A-Z. I look forward to your posts.