I was doing my video blog today and I was talking about my muse when I surprised myself by saying She, instead of He. For as long as I remembered my muse was a male and now, I just...stump. I got jumble on words after that because I didn't know how to take it. I didn't remember when my muse decided she was a female now, and like, when did this happen, how come I never notice, I've been talking to her for the past week to make my novel better with fresh concrete ideas and never even notice that I was talking to a female.
Its just so surprising, that I am so use to talk to my muse and usually never give the notion that she had any sex before I usually just shout MUSE and she come down , but when talking about her it was always a he. Now I just feel wrong calling her a he, because well, hell she had a sex change from the sound of it XD
I just didn't know how to proceed that, I never notice that I start calling her for the past week. I guess it changes. I guess I needed a change. I'm not just writing for the fun of it ( well okay I am BUT) I'm actually working hard to be publish. And I guess when my mindset was stuck on "I'm not a good writer, I wont make it far, I suck" that my muse stick to that notion, but when I changed that she just smiled, felt relive and welcome me to the journey I'm taking, saying she will be with me all the way to bring this story on the stand. Its overwhelming, ever since, a few hours ago, did I notice or more like acknowledged that my muse is a female did I start hearing her more clearly, feeling her better.
I guess I was missing out for a while did I?
Well now its that I actually am award of the change, everything wont be the same anymore, and in a way I hope it wont be the same anymore. Because I'm not aiming the same standard I started and if I still have the same mind set I would never be able to be publish.
It feel great want you acually notice those things. I'm off to go now, I just wanted to say what happend.
Take care
Steph~
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Report 98 realization week
I was talking to a costumer today and it made me realize something. I never say happy new years during the beginning of January or a new year, because in me its not a new year but just the end of a great break and holiday. New year for me is in September, when school start. We've been in schooling for 13-16 years of my life, I got use to it as when school start it was a new year, with new friend, teachers, materials, bullies, Everything.
I learn, subconsciousness that a new year is when you start a new grade, because everything will be different then the last time I was there. So , really what I'm getting at, it will take me a long time until I get out of my mind set that September is a new Year, because now I don't go to college, Scott is in his last year so soon, I will have to get use to celebrate new years, when I change or get a new resolution, taxes coming, winter is raging and all the Jazz.
ON other news, I'm back to revising my novel in a tight scheduler. I was able to catch up fast, I'm on lesson 5 and doing great. I learn that, I rewrote the novel with the wrong or bad changes in mind. I basically rewrote the novel for nothing ( for better explication see: StephTalk - day 10 ) and or shouldn't need to rewrite it in the first place. But in a way its okay, since the first first draft I wrote it as a stress relive in my last term of college so a lot was just... nothing, but the core idea was still great and still make me say: I want to write this story, I want people to read and enjoy this story.
SO I am finish up this revision anyway, but with my good intention of the first first draft in mind. Like I said in day 10 video blog, I bought some clear top duo tangs and place the hand written first draft in there, in 4 part of the story arc. There was more arc, but basically me dividing them as: good, bad, okay, better parts XD
Its the first week of back to college for scott, everyone ( teacher included) are making sure he doesn't do anything stupid because he still have some fatigue in the middle of the day. To much going on and his heart have a hard time taking it, but he know and is taking thing very lightly.
For one of his class, they join up and decided to make one bigass group to make a project, and he was appointed as the lead 3D artist. Which is great, and not in the same time. Great because it mean he be focus mostly on paper work, making sure his group does their job and answer if they have question. Bad is that he wont be able to make any modles. Good again because he wont have the stress of being in time to hand in things, but bad because he will be stress if someone doesn't do their job. Its a love hate relationship.
We have an apointment on the 30 to go see the doctor to see if he still have to take the medicine. He say it feels more like he broke some ribs then anything and that he have more pain when he sneeze.
I also ( randomly changing the subject), received a call form the student loan people, they are have been working on my file and said that I just need my pay slip of this month as a proof that I don't make a lot, and its a good coincidence, because now that the holiday rush is over my hours as been cut IMMENSELY. I am down to less then 10 hours. I wont be able to live on that much, so I have to say good bye to my idea of birthday gift for Scott because I will have to save every penny I have to be able to survive a bit. When I be moving I may get a better position for now at the store, and I be much further on my novel, so I have calculated by the end of this year I will have my book soon to be ready, I think in year 2013 it will be ready to be send out to publication so I really can't wait and am working very hard on that. If I can get some money on the side with that it would be super great.
I also finish watching well catching up on the series Bones, and now notice that netflix have charmed, so I'm watching at least one episode a day, so when I'm having lunch or super.
Now except of that nothing new, except of revising my novel really, and the lack of hours. ( I ask for more, but she said that I couldnt because she couldn`t find more hours then they can give. SOmehting under that line, I`m tired.)
Take care,
Steph~
I learn, subconsciousness that a new year is when you start a new grade, because everything will be different then the last time I was there. So , really what I'm getting at, it will take me a long time until I get out of my mind set that September is a new Year, because now I don't go to college, Scott is in his last year so soon, I will have to get use to celebrate new years, when I change or get a new resolution, taxes coming, winter is raging and all the Jazz.
ON other news, I'm back to revising my novel in a tight scheduler. I was able to catch up fast, I'm on lesson 5 and doing great. I learn that, I rewrote the novel with the wrong or bad changes in mind. I basically rewrote the novel for nothing ( for better explication see: StephTalk - day 10 ) and or shouldn't need to rewrite it in the first place. But in a way its okay, since the first first draft I wrote it as a stress relive in my last term of college so a lot was just... nothing, but the core idea was still great and still make me say: I want to write this story, I want people to read and enjoy this story.
SO I am finish up this revision anyway, but with my good intention of the first first draft in mind. Like I said in day 10 video blog, I bought some clear top duo tangs and place the hand written first draft in there, in 4 part of the story arc. There was more arc, but basically me dividing them as: good, bad, okay, better parts XD
Its the first week of back to college for scott, everyone ( teacher included) are making sure he doesn't do anything stupid because he still have some fatigue in the middle of the day. To much going on and his heart have a hard time taking it, but he know and is taking thing very lightly.
For one of his class, they join up and decided to make one bigass group to make a project, and he was appointed as the lead 3D artist. Which is great, and not in the same time. Great because it mean he be focus mostly on paper work, making sure his group does their job and answer if they have question. Bad is that he wont be able to make any modles. Good again because he wont have the stress of being in time to hand in things, but bad because he will be stress if someone doesn't do their job. Its a love hate relationship.
We have an apointment on the 30 to go see the doctor to see if he still have to take the medicine. He say it feels more like he broke some ribs then anything and that he have more pain when he sneeze.
I also ( randomly changing the subject), received a call form the student loan people, they are have been working on my file and said that I just need my pay slip of this month as a proof that I don't make a lot, and its a good coincidence, because now that the holiday rush is over my hours as been cut IMMENSELY. I am down to less then 10 hours. I wont be able to live on that much, so I have to say good bye to my idea of birthday gift for Scott because I will have to save every penny I have to be able to survive a bit. When I be moving I may get a better position for now at the store, and I be much further on my novel, so I have calculated by the end of this year I will have my book soon to be ready, I think in year 2013 it will be ready to be send out to publication so I really can't wait and am working very hard on that. If I can get some money on the side with that it would be super great.
I also finish watching well catching up on the series Bones, and now notice that netflix have charmed, so I'm watching at least one episode a day, so when I'm having lunch or super.
Now except of that nothing new, except of revising my novel really, and the lack of hours. ( I ask for more, but she said that I couldnt because she couldn`t find more hours then they can give. SOmehting under that line, I`m tired.)
Take care,
Steph~
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Report 97 A-Z blogfest challenge
Things are going back to normal here. I'm doing okay with my daily video blog, even if I feel awkward all the time because I really don't have anything to say to the camera but it will pass when things get more interesting when we be moving down to where ever.
I also decided to participate to the A-Z blog challenge in April, I still have to register but it only start at the end of this month so I'm fine. I've been interest to do some blogfest for a while but never knew how the hell they work, and the A-Z challenge sounds fun and interesting. Yeah it would mean I have to write a report daily AND keep up my daily video blog.
...
Scott thinks I wont be able to keep up my daily video blog. Its too early to know yet, or to have a habit of filming, but I want to proof to him I can keep this one up. I tried long time ago, when this blog was still on the name of Zenxara, to have a writing daily project, being for 20 minute, to just write my newest dreams, things that came to mind but didn't make sense. It last for two weeks, but then I want down to visit my family one week-end and it was broken. I forgot to do it for the whole week end. Well I know I didn't forget, I was afraid to go and do it in front of my parents or family because they would have ask what I was doing then and just bring my confidence I build carefully all down in the drain.
I didn't want that, I still don't but now I'm not afraid, I have like three novel I finish writing, and two-three short stories, I can write. Not well, but I still can, I think I have great stories to tell and someday, in a year or two I will be publishing it.
I start to bring my novel work to, well work. I brought work to work XD During my lunch break I can do a few page in 30 minute. I work on more page yesterday in 30 minute that I manage in a full day off last Monday.
Scott is doing better, he tried to stop taking the medicine, since it been 2 weeks now, but last night his hear did a small jump feeling and it hurt, so he took some. But I guess he just have to take less medicine now, gradually go down until he is healthy again. He is fine that's for sure, he bought a new game the 007 glodeneye one with a gun for his PS3 and trust me, he was fine acting like a happy puppy, it was cute.
Yesterday was our movie date, we went to go see Sherlock Holmes:Game of shadows. It was interesting, I still dont like RD junior to be as Sherlock, ever since I saw Benedict as Sherlock I can't unsee, he is the perfect Sherlock, RD is Tony. I kept seeing Tony Stark in the movie.
Scott didn't like it by the way it ended, I was fine, since thats how the book finished. I also, two day ago I donated some of my books I had to the local library, and I meet the librarian at my work, she was on her way to the library then and didn't know about the bag, but she was very happy and glad about my donation. It made me happy to know I did something good. Its like I donate most of my discard clothing that doesn't fit or didn't like or never wore. There is a shop down town that accept clothing so I went there and donated two to three huge bags, just seeing there face was priceless. I'm happy, just thinking of it, that I did a good thing. I never though of it that way before, before I just wanted to get ride of it because it was taking some spaces, but now its different. Those clothing are given to people and children who can't afford it.
Those books, I give it to this particular library because they didn't have much, plus they use most of their budget to fix the roof. I had great books, some that I didn't even read that they could use more then me. I had one, I could have sold it for 40 bucks if I wanted, there was the skeleton creek series ( minus the last one.) brand new, with plastic cover.
All in great condition, one sign by the author. Not a lot of people think of donating there books to their local library, maybe sell them for a quarter at a yard sell, having a small profit yeah, but not giving them for free to a place no one barely goes to.
When I told my boyfriend my plan, he asked me if the library accepted donation, I just look at him, with a are-you-kidding look. Everybody love free stuff, even books.
Steph~
I also decided to participate to the A-Z blog challenge in April, I still have to register but it only start at the end of this month so I'm fine. I've been interest to do some blogfest for a while but never knew how the hell they work, and the A-Z challenge sounds fun and interesting. Yeah it would mean I have to write a report daily AND keep up my daily video blog.
...
Scott thinks I wont be able to keep up my daily video blog. Its too early to know yet, or to have a habit of filming, but I want to proof to him I can keep this one up. I tried long time ago, when this blog was still on the name of Zenxara, to have a writing daily project, being for 20 minute, to just write my newest dreams, things that came to mind but didn't make sense. It last for two weeks, but then I want down to visit my family one week-end and it was broken. I forgot to do it for the whole week end. Well I know I didn't forget, I was afraid to go and do it in front of my parents or family because they would have ask what I was doing then and just bring my confidence I build carefully all down in the drain.
I didn't want that, I still don't but now I'm not afraid, I have like three novel I finish writing, and two-three short stories, I can write. Not well, but I still can, I think I have great stories to tell and someday, in a year or two I will be publishing it.
I start to bring my novel work to, well work. I brought work to work XD During my lunch break I can do a few page in 30 minute. I work on more page yesterday in 30 minute that I manage in a full day off last Monday.
Scott is doing better, he tried to stop taking the medicine, since it been 2 weeks now, but last night his hear did a small jump feeling and it hurt, so he took some. But I guess he just have to take less medicine now, gradually go down until he is healthy again. He is fine that's for sure, he bought a new game the 007 glodeneye one with a gun for his PS3 and trust me, he was fine acting like a happy puppy, it was cute.
Yesterday was our movie date, we went to go see Sherlock Holmes:Game of shadows. It was interesting, I still dont like RD junior to be as Sherlock, ever since I saw Benedict as Sherlock I can't unsee, he is the perfect Sherlock, RD is Tony. I kept seeing Tony Stark in the movie.
Scott didn't like it by the way it ended, I was fine, since thats how the book finished. I also, two day ago I donated some of my books I had to the local library, and I meet the librarian at my work, she was on her way to the library then and didn't know about the bag, but she was very happy and glad about my donation. It made me happy to know I did something good. Its like I donate most of my discard clothing that doesn't fit or didn't like or never wore. There is a shop down town that accept clothing so I went there and donated two to three huge bags, just seeing there face was priceless. I'm happy, just thinking of it, that I did a good thing. I never though of it that way before, before I just wanted to get ride of it because it was taking some spaces, but now its different. Those clothing are given to people and children who can't afford it.
Those books, I give it to this particular library because they didn't have much, plus they use most of their budget to fix the roof. I had great books, some that I didn't even read that they could use more then me. I had one, I could have sold it for 40 bucks if I wanted, there was the skeleton creek series ( minus the last one.) brand new, with plastic cover.
All in great condition, one sign by the author. Not a lot of people think of donating there books to their local library, maybe sell them for a quarter at a yard sell, having a small profit yeah, but not giving them for free to a place no one barely goes to.
When I told my boyfriend my plan, he asked me if the library accepted donation, I just look at him, with a are-you-kidding look. Everybody love free stuff, even books.
Steph~
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