Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Report 129: Anxiety attack Help

Report 129: Anxiety attack Help

I've been listening for all my life. I've been helping friends, random people, with their fear and anxiety attacks long before I had mine. And I am willing to listen. To share a few words with you, if you want.

For free.

Just send a email and I will listen to you.


One more month and I'm starting University again. I;m going to study in English, in Creative writing.

Yeah, I'm panicking.

And its blocking my creativity a lot. People can say its an excused, hell even I say it. But when you wake up in the morning, and the only thing you can eat is half a pop tart for the whole day because of a anxiety attack, it kinda kill the mood ya no?

My attacks, effect my mind. Its a huge mental battle inside, where everything I fear, everything I doubt and scared of happening creeps in my mind and never give me a second to breath. I have ALL the tactic down in my head. I;m writing my thoughts, trying to meditate; clearing my mind. Trying to over power my thoughts with positive thinking but sometimes, its to powerful and gets to me.

People who have anxiety attacks will understand. Others, wont.

My sister ( the oldest) understands when I try to explain to my mom my fears, my attacks, but my mom doesn't understand, because her attacks are more physical then mentally. She faints, shake and cant breath.

I fight in my head to say that I am worthy. That I can. Some times its so strong that its like a consent pressure in the middle of my chest that gives me heart burns and I cant swallow a thing. Its like a heart attack, but wurst. How can a anxiety attack can be wurst then a heart attack? Heart attacks heals. Anxiety attacks will creep on you every seconds of the rest of your life. You are stuck trying to keep your mind in check to prove that you can do what you love that you matter.

And that's the hardest to believe.


I'm still reminding myself every morning.

When I had my first real and huge anxiety attacks, the nurse told me the best cure is to talk to someone.

It can be true.

But how do you start? How do you explain your fear, your pain? How do you explain what you want to do in your life, your mother doesn't approve?

I love my mother deeply. Even if she is the reason of my fear to write.

When I did a test, to find my fear and try to over come them and be able to write again, I just froze in dismay. I cant just cut loose my connection with my mom, I barely have one already! My mom doesn't care what I study or what I want to do in life, just that I get a good paying, dead end job with benefits, retirement money and crap like that. She tells me that, she remind me of that because she is scared. She wants the best for my life and me having a good paying job and benefit will ease her fear.

I live for a year as a part timer at Staples. I'm still living with that pay. My bank is more empty then it is full. But I pay my rent, my bills. I have food on the table and I do what I want and love. 

Every ones attack are different. Like every ones anchor will be different. I read a lot of self help books to help me find my anchor, to get a handle on those attacks. I merge some of their tips to something that convince me.

I write, I read and meditate. Meditating keeps my breathing regular and my heart beat normal. I write to find what trigger the attack in the first place and explain, to my mind, why its ridiculous to get an attack from that. And I read, to get my mind off of it, because after I try to resonate with my mind, it will always have a BUT, I just say NO firmly and continue with my day as if it didn't happen.

Writing down in the same notebook all my attacks can give me an idea what trigger happen the most, and how I can control it better after I'm back.

When I read all those help books, they talk as if its super easy to take care of anxiety attacks like that. It isn't. Only one self help book understood how difficult a anxiety attack is (keep calm and carry on.) but even there, most of the tips it give me was to much like a question, answer pattern.

I know how hard it is, how frustrating and scary it is. And I want to help.

I know how talking to someone is hard, but it helps. I write, but I write to my characters of my stories. I vent to them, I talk to them, and they answer me back. They help me go through my attacks.

But its good to just have someone to listen. To say how much they care. But mostly to vent down, to yell, be angry, cry or share your fear. Sharing what you are scared to most off can lift so much off your chest.

And I can listen.

I've been listening for all my life. I've been helping friends, random people, with their fear and anxiety attacks long before I had mine. And I am willing to listen. To share a few words with you.

For free.

Everything will be between you, and me. NO posting on the blog. NO posting on journals.NOT even be paying. Just me and your anonymously. 

If you want advice, I will give the best of what I can. IF you just need a ear to listen I will be there. IF its a shoulder to cry on.  Go for it.

You will feel better after word. Its guarantee.

I'm not a psychologist, I'm a novelist.

I am here for you. I will listen to you.

Just write everything your heart desired, and I will listen to you with open arms.

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