Report 126, its time to stop hiding and start posting!

I got the ebook " You are a writer" by Jeff Goins and it got me thinking, when I finish it ( BTW very good book, inspiring and hit all the right place to give writers a boost--kick in the but-- to get things together and write, like a writer should do.)

It got me thinking. I am a writer, but no one would believe or trust my word because I never publish anything! And well it got me thinking of, getting a kick in the ass and actually publish something, on my blog or something just... like a wip/ first draft of a story I want to write.

my grammar isn't great, I had a voice and lost it with a fight of words by trying to stop trying to copy other writers style because I want to be like them. I liked to reread my old stories I write with pen on paper because its me, its my voice and I don't think when I wrote those, I just followed what the voice of my character told me, I wrote and describe what I saw, and I love reading it, I laugh again when I get to know my characters over and over again. ( drive my boyfriend nuts, say I'm weird because I laugh at my own stuff, I just say I'm that good :P )

I want to get my voice again, but its a huge fight in my head, to get words on a page that make sense, while I"m trying to edit as I write, over thinking because I'm afraid that every word I place down is miss spelled or that I didn't place the right grammar or anything really. I just got that mind set drill in my mind for so long that its hard to break the habit. I'm so scared that my mom would see my stories on paper and get the fucking red pen and just... well burn everything, critic my fucking spelling instead of reading the story.

I want to know about the story I don't care how awful the book will look like at the end, that's what revision are for, but really I got traumatized, that's why it took me so flipping long to start writing again, to get all those stories in my mind down. And like it happen to Jeff Goins, it was my friend who told me, who remind me of my dream.

Yu see, she is a professional plush maker and she makes a lot of big bucks when we were in college and I just, I was jealous, because she had income, by doing something she love to do. I told her that.

I said: " I wish I could do something like that, I wish I could do something I like and get a few bucks" with a shrug, she just look at me, with this look, pure envy,  for something I didn't know

"You write, I wish I could make up amazing stories like you do ever five minutes! That's something you like, you can do something about it."

She did the push, because that, that shock me. I just looked at her like a deer caught in headlight, shocked. that's when it just click in my head, like a swift " Why not? whats stopping me really?" I though to myself, I just hummed and turn around to think about that in my room.

I didn't do anything but it still open this door in my mind that made me wonder really what - why-  was I so scared to write. Now I do, but I still don't publish. I have I don't know how my awful fanfic I wrote on mini notebooks, I have like around 30K or so of fanfic written down in files. So really, I don't know why I should be scared, yeah no one likes critics, but I learn that it also can be a good way to improve. It did for my art why not my writing right? I wrote once every week for the past year, and when ever I read back in previous reports I can see on how much I improve.

anyway back to the point, I want to write a new story and post every progress on this blog ( cause I hate making other blogs I like to focus on just one.) I wont be starting right now on posting chapters and my writing. No I want to make it awesome. I want to show how I do my thinkering. I want to, basically have a record of how I go from idea, scenes, story, to first draft.

The first step I guess is to choose which story I be doing. No more hiding.

I do want t write about my first story, my first live character in my mind, the place I would go when ever I got bored in school. But I have two that I get down too that I really liked. First one, was called "The seven portals" ( okay it was "the 7 spheres" but really portal is better I did change it a few years back so it counts) which is the first story where you meet James (A -to-Z blog challenged post ) its his first adventure.

 The story goes down to, a representative of earth is randomly chosen to find and destroy the sphere across the world to stop a evil being to get to them ( and you know take over the world.) Its both a adventure and romance story.

I think, if I remember correctly I decided that it would be seven because I was what, 12-14 and just started to read harry potter and wanted to be just like J.K.Rowling. ( who doesn't!) I remember binding a stack of white paper together and color the back and front like a real book with my name and the title and I wanted to write it in there, but never manage too, just kept the story to myself cause I was scared my mom and sisters would read it and say it sucks.

god that was such a long time ago....HO god I'm old.

Anyway.

The second one is something I will write anyway, before or after, its the same deal seven ( I think, I'm just remembering out the top of my head for this one, the first one, the seven portals, I recently look back through my old notes for it), its " The guardians" where, again, a human girl comes down to the new world and which a bunch of kids are in training and search for their god guardian, when they found it they are transformed with their spirit god animal, get stronger with special ability and try to win the endless war once and for all.

James is there, older and wise and help the kids in their journey.

This story, is more about the history of their world, their gods. It's still witty and the kids are send through a bunch of trial to get their spirit god animal. Its like Digimon and sailor moon merge together. Digimon because of their search witting themselves to find their guardians, and sailor moon because they transform after. They get armor and a design weapon to match the god that they will basically represent, or that the god chose.

I have a bunch of stories in this world I want to create ( I call it Tjar).

I have one its like romeo and Juliette but with a river mermaid and an wood/forest elf.

I have another its a group of four trying to find the four dragon head to protect the world from a evil force coming down on their world. That one is sad, one of the guy dies, but he is remembers by the gods and made as a constellation in the sky. And we get to see the white village, its just so beautiful. I wish I could take a picture of my imagination or mind right now and like post it. I'll will paint it someday.

Its-It's like its name, its white, but not blinding, just pure. It calm and when ever you walk around there you fell so relax and well rested. The grass is white and blue like its made of snow, the threes are tall and scares, everything is leveled, there is no noise, no animal live there though, there is little lights floating around and there this soft present all around you, covering you in a warm blanket like. (everything look like its covered in snow and ice, threes, grass, leaves, everything.) That's the presence of magic, That's where the biggest source of magic there is in that world.

... Sorry got carried away.

I think the best course of action would be to start at the beginning, the first story and since everything goes around James age, might as well start when we first meet him! Seven portal it is! I wont be able to start working on it right away unfortunately ( one, everything is pack because I'm moving in like 5 days.) but when I will have everything in control again in my life ( moving, job, uni) I'll start planning along side of my revision. It would give me a new push, a new motivation to continue writing. I will place a new tab for it, to remind me.

Thanks for reading! Comment are welcome and always loved,

Steph~   :D

Report 125 terrified

In a week, we be moving to PEI and I am absolutely terrified.

IN a week, I"m packing all my shit up and move in another PROVINCE! I wouldn't be as scared if I still be in NB but we decided to move in PEI. I have no regret, I love the island, everyone I talk to and say I be moving there say that I will love, I will enjoy it. Everyone that once lived there say they absolutely adore it.

I think the reason that I am freaking out inside the most is that I was giving all my hopes on Scott having a good job over there but we still didn't hear anything form the company over there when he send his application. Today is the Jalloo festival ( a two day convention where people from the gaming and animation industry comes down and give workshops, plus a time for industries looking for hiring can look through the graduates portfolio.) and there is a few people from PEI that came down. So we have a chance there for Scott to talk and get probably a job, so its good.

I'm freaking out because we don't have friends over there, it will be 4 hours of drive to visit my parents, 6 hours to visit his, around 2 hours to visit my best friend.

I'm freaking out because I only have enough hours at work to pay my half of the rent and food, nothing else and I'm going to University this coming fall. My laptop is dying, I'm giving it him 3-4 months max, its overheating to much and getting to slow no matter how much I'm cleaning it, its to old and probably melting all the parts on the motherboard by now.

I want to get a Mac, but its around 1900$ and that's basically my car assurance right there. I wonder if the school would buy it for me because I need it for my classes. I kinda can bring my big ass tower to school really. I was planning on using my laptop ( and a voice recorder) to take notes for my courses but with the Mac laptop I can just have the app Keynote ( I think that's the one) and I can both recorder the lecture AND take notes. Its awesome.

...Okay I got distract from the apple website, I was looking at the difference with the air and pro mac, because I didn't remember why I went with the mac pro. Then I notice they don't have a 15inch in the mac air so that answer my question. I want to see things, I like the 15inch screen its comfortable for me. And it doesn't have a CD drive, well that settles it!

There is a lot that scares me but in the same time I'm excited, its a new place a new beginning, a new path being fallowed, and I'm doing it with someone I love, in a place we both really, really like. We will make new friends, and there is a lot to see and do over there, so many events! A new place for a new life, doing something that I love to do. Its going to be so fun.


Its going to be quite something.

Steph~

Report 124 My Childhood is now complete.

My best friend, during free comic book day found clow cards and she bought them, When she show it off online I ask if she could get me a pack too and behold! My clow cards ~ :D





I'm soo happy

Also Also I finally found a original Abby Monster High doll!! I've been searching for her for months and now  my collection is complete...or until I find another ( or they come out with) another one I like and want.

See I'm a horde. When there is an item I want, that bugs a place in my mind I need it. And I will work hard, wait until said item is cheaper and will eventually get. Like the dolls I love to just looking at them they are a source of inspiration for me. There is magazine that I get because of pictures of natural environment and it just click in my head so I take it, cut it and post it somewhere on my wall. There is games I bought that I never played but I keep it anyway because I can't keep apart from it. I do sell or throw out stuff, some hurts inside of me, but I do it because I know I don't need it anymore and that its just taking space ( I got ride of 30 books because of that.)

I have plushies I keep because its sentimental and they small and fit in a box. I HAVE A BOX FULL OF FLIPPING ROCKS! I always wanted those cards, I found them, I'm taking them, fuck the price.

I'm studying right now on how to read fortune with the cards, its fun and interesting. I don't really believe in those things, reading cards because, it just never work for me, all the women I go see with my sister just look at me, look at the card and wince, and say that I don't need it because I cant read the cards myself. My chi is to close up and powerful or something. It's family, my big sister is the same, just like my grand ma.

Anyway I want to learn how to read cards with my clow cards because it be awesome and totally epic. :D

...

And I got a Avenger pin. No regret. At all. :D